Tag: Cult

The Science of Smaller Plates

—a commentary on evangelical diet culture and its assault on women.

Smaller plates
mean smaller meals.
Smaller meals
for that smaller you
because they told you
the best you,
the ideal you,
God’s design for you,
is a smaller,
lesser,
wasting away you.
A smaller you,
they say,
is a prettier you,
a more fuckable you,
and a more fuckable you
is the whole reason
God made you.
A holy,
fuckable,
baby making you
because if men
can control themselves
around you,
then you are failing
to honor the purpose
god gave you.

The Rapture

dedicated to Calvary Chapel Hanford

You promised us a rapture.
You said,
‘no one knows the day
or hour,
but the prophecies are aligned,
so any day now.’

But—

It’s been thirty six years.
You’re still looking up.

Maybe God slept in.
Maybe he’s not coming.
Maybe its time to find
something else
to pour your heart into—

like people.

Your Father the Devil

Your god
points to a mass grave
where tangled Palestinian bodies
gasp for breath,
a gospel
of bullets and bloodshed
brought to bear
upon the least of these.
He is a white AR-15
mowing down children
in the second grade
while fucking little girls
of the same age—
a coward
accusing queer communities
of crimes committed
by his pastors and priests.
Your god
is an idol,
created in the likeness
of your hate.

But Grace

is a headstone
bearing your names,
buried in a landfill
for which
none of us
mourn.

A Response to those Angry with California AB665

I was 13 the first time I tried to take my life. I was a good Christian boy in a good Christian home trying my damnedest to live a good Christian life. From the age of (at least) 10 years old, I suffered from an undiagnosed depression.

At 16, I went to my sperm-donor and told him I thought I needed help because I wanted to kill myself. He suggested I see our pastor–an inept, biblically illiterate man with non-existent counseling skills (so bad that he has since handed counseling responsibilities to other members of his cult). I had seen this man, sat with him. It didn’t help.

When I told my sperm-donor that I thought I needed to see a professional, he screamed:

“IF THE CHURCH CAN’T FIX YOUR PROBLEM, THEN YOU DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM! NO SON OF MINE IS GOING TO SEE A SHRINK!”

Those words are etched in my memory, and I never opened up to he or my mother again after that. I began cutting the hell out of myself because I believed I deserved to suffer—after all the depression wasn’t real, I just wasn’t praying enough.1

After a few close calls, I was diagnosed as an adult with PTSD, bipolar type 1—rapid cycling, among other health concerns. Some of these diagnoses could have been prevented had I received help and treatment when I asked for it. At the very least, I probably wouldn’t have tried to hurt myself so many times. The adults in my life prevented me from getting help—largely because they worried how it would look to have a kid receiving treatment for mental illness.

I share this story because I almost died without the help I needed. My parents were the hurdle I could not overcome. I was lucky, I lived. Not every story turns out like mine.

To those who appear to hold the idea that bills like California AB6652 are infringing on parental rights, respectfully, no one should care or value that position. It is a disingenuous stance that serves to reinforce limited understandings of the world in which our kids are growing up.

It isn’t the 1970s or the 1980s anymore. The world, our country, has drastically changed. For example, how many active shooter drills did kids in the 70s and 80s participate in when they were in kindergarten?3

These bills do exactly what certain theatrical positions and ideologies falsely claim to do—they protect kids. That’s what we all want, right?

Anyhow, that’s it. That’s my soapbox.

__________

1. In an ironic twist of fate, one of the cultists who used to push this narrative of “not praying enough” would die years later from cancer. It is unkind, but I can’t help but wonder if they weren’t praying enough.
2. “An act to amend, repeal, and add Section 6924 of the Family Code, relating to minors.” AB-665 Minors: consent to mental health services. Introduced by Assembly Member Wendy Carrillo. September 11, 2023. https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billTextClient.xhtml?bill_id=202320240AB665.
3. The answer is largely zero.