Ten Things I’ve Been Meaning to Say to You (Christians)

Dear Reader,¹

If you identify as a Christian in present day America, especially a member of one of the many flavors of traditional Protestant or the Protestantized American Catholic church, these are 10 things I’ve been meaning to say to you:

1. Love was never negotiable. Jesus didn’t include caveats or escape clauses when he told you to love your neighbors. It doesn’t matter who came after, whether J. D. Vance or St Augustine, Jesus could not have been more clear when he explained to the young lawyer that your neighbors are the human beings you share this world with. Yet, I have watched you bending at every wrong angle like contortionists trying to justify your cruelty towards those who live and love differently than you. You’ve crept into every wrong place to kick down doors where Jesus would gently knock.² You wield love like hate and wonder why so many of us reject you—we’re not persecuting you, we’re setting boundaries because we are tired of being struck by the hands you can’t keep to yourself.

2. Before you shout, “it’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve,” I’d caution you to read the text a little closer. The order and pairing does not preclude other orders or pairings, but if you insist on a strictly rigid literal reading, I will remind you that the first lie uttered in the Bible comes from the mouth of God.³ Feel nervous? See how you’re ready to reinterpret something about “spiritual death” into the text despite the language leaving no room for you to do so? Your negotiations, consolidations, and reinterpretations establish orthodoxies your texts can’t sell. The Book’s voice is far from univocal, so perhaps, find what works for you and leave us to find what works for us. After all, it was Paul who told you to “work on your own salvation with fear and trembling”⁴ –not ours.

3. The Rapture is not biblical. It is an invention of the nineteenth century. When the world collapses under the mess you’ve made—I promise—you’re going to die right next to the rest of us. Side note, the Apocalypse of John is not a prophecy; it’s apocalyptic literature. Look it up.

4. “The gays” aren’t coming for your children. Drag Queens aren’t grooming them either. The trans woman is just trying to use the bathroom, she’s not interested in your daughter. The argument is a distraction meant to make you overlook the thousands upon thousands upon thousands of documented cases where your pastor, your priest, your youth leader, your deacon, your elder was caught in the pants of your children. Stop letting your leaders project their sins onto others. Rise up and clean house! Remember, Jesus flipped the hell out of some tables and got a little crazy with a hand-braided whip. You might want to try to be more like him.

5. But being like Jesus means letting go of the ideals of meritocracy. It’s funny. You say Jesus loves, forgives, and saves freely, but the moment we try to give free lunches to starving kids or shelter the homeless, you’re the first to accuse us of being socialists. Look, if Jesus who was neither were measured under the standards of capitalism and socialism, my hand to the gods, you would accuse him of conspiring to triple “D”⁵ your beloved billionaire CEOs.

6. I think you forgot you can’t serve God and money.⁶

7. Many of you have convinced yourselves that forgiveness is delivered upon request, regardless of the tone or intent with which it is requested. Many of you have convinced yourself that forgiveness requires no work, no reparation, no repentance, and no consequences for your actions. You conflate forgiveness with access as if forgiveness removes the boundaries we erect to keep ourselves safe—from you!

8. Stop throwing rocks at your brothers and sisters who have the stones to say, “I think somewhere along the way, we’ve gotten a little off course.” Of course, it is hard to admit you’ve taken a wrong turn in a system that insists on its own perfection, but listen, heed their words. Every prophet God sent to set right his people got axed, too.⁷ For the love of God, learn something from your Book, stop repeating the same mistakes.

9. Paul didn’t write the pastoral epistles. They’re regarded as forgeries. Eject them from the canon already.

10. At some point, you must take accountability. Not letting the left hand know what the right hand is doing refers⁸ to charity. It wasn’t a call to ignorance. Look in the mirror. See what you have become—not becoming but have become. Something’s wrong. There is a cancer metastasizing, spreading, and killing everything that made you Christ-like. Seek treatment now . . . before it’s too late . . . I hope it’s not too late.

This is an essay I wrote for class. The assignment was to write a “list essay” using Jason Reynolds’s “Ten Things I’ve Been Meaning to Say to You” as a mentor text. What follows is the result of that assignment. Enjoy? ↩︎
Revelation 3:20. Now to be fair to this verse, it refers to the church in Laodicea. The author bears witness to a letter written to a church that is “lukewarm” and will be rejected by “the faithful and true witness, the origin of God’s creation . . .” Even as this church stands to be cut off, the letter writer knocks and calls with the promise that if their voice is heard and a response is made, then the letter writer will “come in and eat with (them), and (they) with (him).” ↩︎
Genesis 2:15-17. ↩︎
Philippians 2:12-13. ↩︎
This is a reference to “Deny, Defend, Depose,” the words etched onto the bullet casings found at the United Health CEO’s murder scene. ↩︎
Matthew 6:24. ↩︎
This play on words refers to a story found in Acts 7. ↩︎
Matthew 6:3. ↩︎

Does God Bring Out Our Best?

I was taught that the Christian God brings out the best in us, individually and corporately. If we follow God’s commands, arbitrarily selected and defined by Christian leaders, we will become a happy, loving, joyous people living in a happy, God-honoring society. Christians, as guides for the blind, were to seek out places of political power so we might lead the world to this imagined paradise on earth.

I used to believe this, but now I am less convinced, so much so that I have renounced my faith. Some of the most angry, miserable, hateful, and violent people I have met were faithful, church-going Christians. The politics of the Christian church in America has become highly authoritarian–less concerned with genuine communion with God and more concerned with controlling every aspect of life.

If the Christian God brings out our best and creates a community of love, then why are American Christians (Catholics, I’m including you, too) known not by their love but by their hatred and bigotry? Why do we see organizational Christian leadership and its laity participating in harming those identified by the Bible as “the least of these” (Mt 25.31-46). I believe it has to do with the intellectual dishonesty and inconsistency of American Christianity.

American Christianity, primarily American Protestant and White Evangelical Christianity, makes dishonest claims about the Bible itself. The Southern Baptist Convention (SBC), the largest Protestant denomination in the United States, formed in 1845 in Augusta, GA, as a response to slave-owning Baptists being disqualified to serve as missionaries, claims:

[The Bible] has God for its author, salvation for its end, and truth, without any mixture of error, for its matter. Therefore, all Scripture is totally true and trustworthy. It reveals the principles by which God judges us, and therefore is, and will remain to the end of the world, the true center of Christian union, and the supreme standard by which all human conduct, creeds, and religious opinions should be tried. (Southern Baptist Convention).

The SBC asserts that the Bible is “totally true and trustworthy,” yet it is filled with contradictions and errors. Consider the creation account in Genesis chapters 2 and 3. In chapter two, God says to Adam, ” ‘You may freely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall die’ ” (Gn 2.16-17). God states clearly that on the day that Adam eats the fruit of the forbidden tree, he will die. However, in chapter three, the Serpent says to Eve, ” ‘You will not die, for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil’ ” (Gn 3.4-5). When Eve and Adam ate the fruit, their eyes were opened. They were like God, knowing good and evil. What the Serpent tells Eve comes to fruition. The warning God gave to Adam, saying that he would die on the day he ate the fruit, proved to be a false and empty threat. God even confirms the truth of the Serpent’s words (Gn 3.22). God lied.

This example of God lying contradicts the proof texts Christians use to claim that God does not or cannot lie. One such proof text is Numbers 23:19. Balaam, a non-Israelite prophet, is called by Balak, king of Moab, to curse the people of Israel. When Balaam attempts to curse the Israelites, the Israelites’ God gives Balaam a message to deliver to Balak:

God is not a human being, that he should lie,
or a mortal, that he should change his mind.
Has he promised, and will he not do it?
Has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?
See, I received a command to bless;
he has blessed, and I cannot revoke it.
He has not beheld misfortune in Jacob,
nor has he seen trouble in Israel.
The Lord their God is with them,
acclaimed as a king among them. (Nm 23.19-21)

God cannot lie, they say, but then he does. Inferred from this proof text, also, is the claim that God does not change their mind, yet we have examples of God changing their mind in other texts, such as in Jonah. In the story of Jonah, God instructs Jonah to tell Ninevah, “Forty days more, and Ninevah will be overthrown!” (Jo 3.4). There were no conditions. It was a statement. Forty days, and you’re done. When the people of Nineveh received this message, they repented, hoping to avoid destruction, and “God changed [their] mind about the calamity that [they] had said [they] would bring upon them, and [they] did not do it” (Jo 3.10).

The Bible is not a single work that speaks with one unified voice but a collection of texts written by different authors for different purposes, audiences, and contexts. What one text says about God may–and does–contradict what another text says about God. This isn’t limited to the Old Testament. Textual critics and biblical scholars know the New Testament is filled with errors, additions, and omissions–some intentional and others not. Bible apologists will point out the thousands upon thousands of New Testament manuscripts available while neglecting that many do not agree, are incomplete, and developed hundreds of years after the account of Jesus’ death and resurrection.

Most scholars agree that Paul’s “Pastoral Epistles” are forgeries, yet Christians hold on to them. Perhaps it is because they like the power 1 Timothy gives men over women. Other Pauline letters are in dispute, yet Christians assert every word in the Bible is god-breathed.

How can God bring out our best if the book that Christians assert ought to be “. . . the supreme standard by which all human conduct, creeds, and religious opinions should be tried . . .” is filled with so many contradictions and errors? Consider also the millions of interpretations made by Christians regarding their own text. Their book is confusing and inconsistent for a God who is not the author of confusion (1 Cor 14.33, ESV).

Beyond the book, anecdotally, we see Christians behaving in the worst ways, from antisocial behavior to behaviors that are criminal and dangerous. The same SBC from which I drew the example about the Christian view of the Bible is the same SBC found to have a secret list of hundreds of pastors and church-affiliated personnel accused of sexual abuse (NPR, 2022). Only after the list was exposed did the SBC release it, offering questionable justifications for keeping it hidden and the sudden decision to release it to the public (McLaurin and Slade, 2022). The SBC is far from the only Christian organization diseased with allegations of sexual abuse and vile misconduct.

Christian organizations, such as the Heritage Foundation, advocate for political policies that prioritize the Christian religion and value structure in a country that guarantees religious freedom. They attack women’s healthcare, labor rights, and civil rights protections. They are developing and proposing–through their Republican cronies–policies that target the right of LGBTQIA+ individuals to exist in the public space (Project 2025). Their goals target and harm the most vulnerable communities in our society (Mt 25.41-46).

If Christians are the example of what their God desires from us, then I think they have demonstrated quite clearly, both presently and historically, that the Christian God does not bring out the best in us (Brucker 2014; Christianity and Colonial Expansion; Pahl 2010). On the contrary, this lying, lecherous, and murderous god seems to draw out our worst qualities.

A Picture Worth a Thousand Words

This is but one of many images that should alarm us about the movement and motivation of the MAGA cult. Even if you hate the current president, consider what the next president means in terms of the Supreme Court of the United States and the rights of every American. The image itself presents an army of white saviors who come to rescue America from non-white, non-heteronormative, and non-Christian peoples and values, paving the way for their ‘superior’ vision to be made manifest. This image tells us who is to be empowered, who is to dictate the way in which people may (or may not) live, and with whom they have aligned themselves to force their will on the rest of us.

This image is reflective of the whiteness permeating throughout MAGA culture. It reflects the rhetoric of hate groups like Christian Identity, what’s philosophy has further poisoned and co-opted Christianity to justify and perpetuate white supremacy. Consider what is said, implied, and left unspoken in the phrases “Take America Back” and “Make America Great Again.” Economic and border security, which they often argue, resonates with the same spirit as “States Rights” being touted as the ‘reason’ for the Civil War and the secession of the South. In truth, however, just like the ‘States Rights’ argument, the presented reasoning is bullshit. It is about maintaining white Western ‘Christian’ dominance and the power to oppress, marginalize, and harm others for their personal gain.

This image likewise reflects the current move to seize control of America (Project 2025) and is reminiscent of the white Christian response to the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s and 1970s that led to the rise of the “Moral Majority” and the election of both Ronald Reagan (whose neoliberal policies have destroyed our economy) and George Bush, Sr.

It is a call to action that leverages Christian Nationalism and Christofascism as justification for the means used to achieve their ends. This is, in part, indoctrination for the younger generation suffering under these knuckle draggers and a marker of the zealous fervor present in the far-right extremist movement.

This image, and those like it circulating the internet, should be a reminder of the importance of talking with our friends and family about what’s at stake in the upcoming election. They don’t have to like Biden, but they should consider the Supreme Court appointments that will inevitably happen under the next President and what that means for the rights and liberties of all Americans.

Whatever your thoughts on the above image, remember to get out and vote this November! Our democracy is at stake.

(in)Justice and Monsters

Monsters lurk the lines of my fiction because it is how I cope with a world on fire. I remember as a child learning about the Civil Rights Movement and thinking, “why did that happen? Why did they hang those people? Why did they kill that man speaking up for justice?” I was confused but assured “it was over. Justice won.”

It’s not over. It never ended. The problems of inequality and injustice persist, not only for Black people, but for non-white, non-heteronormative, non-Christian, non-conservative humans. More people are pushing back, demanding justice, but those in power, the same who murdered MLK, Jr., Medgar Wiley, Lemar Smith, Harvey Milk, and countless more, have reignited the fires of hate motivated violence in an attempt to end the push.

For many years, I was ignorant of the unfathomable depth of inequality and injustice in America. I was naive, and so surprised by the number of voices rising to the provocation of power—not to resist that wicked power, but to uphold its scaffolding and institutions, to protect the bloodied hands of the powerful.

Comedian, playwright, and novelist Ben Elton once said: “With privilege comes responsibility, you must understand that.” I wonder if this is why so many disenfranchised people are rising up to protect and defend the atrocities of the powerful. They have benefitted from the current institution. They are privileged in this arrangement, and so they feel it their responsibility to uphold it—ignorant of how the same system is also killing them.

After two decades of work, I have become conscious of my privilege, but my responsibility—my duty—is not to the system, not anymore. My obligation is to humanity. I do what I can to ease suffering in small and seemingly insignificant ways, but these little acts add up quickly.

If we could do our small part together, at once, the impact would be a stone in Goliath’s brain. We would rock the world. Imagine, for one week, we refused to participate in capitalism—get only the barest of essentials from the most ethical businesses. It would be a strike at the wallet of power. They’d feel it. Now imagine if we maintained that pressure.

Right now, orcas in the middle of the ocean are sinking the yachts of the wealthy. It is an ironic twist to witness whales campaigning to “Save the Humans.” Truly, things are far worse than we realize. But if the whales can do their part, should we not do ours?

The monsters wandering between page and pen are how I cope with a world on fire. These creatures can be stopped. Their objectives can be disrupted and subverted. I can save the world from them, but the real monsters, those monsters can only be stopped if we work together.

The Science of Smaller Plates

—a commentary on evangelical diet culture and its assault on women.

Smaller plates
mean smaller meals.
Smaller meals
for that smaller you
because they told you
the best you,
the ideal you,
God’s design for you,
is a smaller,
lesser,
wasting away you.
A smaller you,
they say,
is a prettier you,
a more fuckable you,
and a more fuckable you
is the whole reason
God made you.
A holy,
fuckable,
baby making you
because if men
can control themselves
around you,
then you are failing
to honor the purpose
god gave you.

The Rapture

dedicated to Calvary Chapel Hanford

You promised us a rapture.
You said,
‘no one knows the day
or hour,
but the prophecies are aligned,
so any day now.’

But—

It’s been thirty six years.
You’re still looking up.

Maybe God slept in.
Maybe he’s not coming.
Maybe its time to find
something else
to pour your heart into—

like people.

An Ode to Garry

I pray you slip in the shower,
and no one finds you.
I pray you get drunk
and think,
‘I can make that jump.’
I pray you walk off into the sunset
and disappear,
forever.
I pray your birthdays
are full of empty chairs.
I pray you never receive a visit
from the ghosts of past, present, or
future Christmas.
I pray you choke on air
and die—
before deleting your browser history.
But most of all,
I pray
whatever happens,
happens quickly.

Summer of 2021

This photo still enrages me. I took it in the summer of 2021 outside Kingsburg City Hall. The sea of, mostly, older white faces, armed with American flags, Bibles, and an illiterate understanding of American history were joined by far-right hate groups such as the Proud Boys, 1776ers, and others, to oppose a Pride Month proclamation in the City of Kingsburg. The grueling three-hour spectacle saw these “patriots” engage in anti-patriotic and dog-whistle-laden rhetoric.

The American flag was weaponized and used in a manner not dissimilar to the symbols of hate waved about by white supremacist hate groups. In a display of irony, many of these white (and Evangelical) individuals spoke to the American flag as being all inclusive while actively seeking to exclude what they understood to be a social other, an enemy of America. Several opined they would be called bigots as they spewed bigoted speeches to oppose recognizing Pride month in their small town.

I couldn’t help but notice how many referred to passages in the Bible with the same fervor of those who had once used scripture to justify segregation, bans on interracial marriage, to stand against feminism and the right to vote for women, justify slavery, ignore police brutality and murder, etc., etc., etc. It was the same tired arguments to scapegoat their little god as the source for the hate they called love.

Others appealed to a slippery slope argument, claiming that allowing the Pride flag to be flown would cause all manner of requests for other flags to be flown. This argument, of course, is born out of ignorance. First, such requests are not being made. Second, the only ones who seemed to want to fly other flags were those who came to oppose both Pride Month and the flying of the Pride flag–and the flags they proposed were ones of hate and intended intimidation–the same sort of bullshit that saw statues of Confederate generals and figures erected all across the south during the 1960s Civil Rights Movement.

This particular moment sparked a radical change in my personal life. I, along with several others, joined with the council member who proposed the proclamation to organize and host a Pride celebration in the City of Kingsburg–which we did with great success. But also, I found it incredibly important that I weaponized my white privilege and my less-than-humane past to confront the white supremacy, bigotry, and systemic bias deeply embedded within my community and the communities surrounding my own.

This turning point made it clear that I could not simply be silent on matters of marginalization and oppression. I must act. Whether that means helping organizations that combat injustice, calling state and federal representatives, or simply calling out fucked up behaviors in the public space, I have to act.

It has been a long journey, and there is still much work to be done, but, in a way, I am glad I was forced to confront this evil head on. It’s made me a better, more compassionate, and a more loving human.